a leafs christmas carol

Home » Featured Post » a leafs christmas carol

Today, a mid-December day and a happy-go-lucky, naive young leaf GM named Scooby Dooby Dubious, sits in his office shouting at Bean for another simulation. His bean counter, Jordache Beano, runs another computer simulation of the Leafs season, showing their expected wins are virtually guaranteeing yet another Stanely Cup, just like in years past. The simulations show they can improve the odds by giving more time to shot suppression specialists, giraffes on skates, like Martin Marincin, who can clean up the mistakes of the young and gaffe prone forwards.

Just then Dubious’ long forgotten uncle, Don Grapes Plum, drops in and invites him to the annual Christmas party and while doing so suggests Dubious consider just a little more toughness and grit to complement the lineup. A thought so foreign and repulsive to Dubass that with bitterness he spits out an angry “Bah! Humbug!” and declares what the Leafs need are more small skilled wingers and defensive shutdown specialists. On Petan, on Shore and on Marincin – lead us to victory!!

Later that evening, after returning to his dark, cold apartment, his anger beings to disappear as he collapses into a deep sleep. Then he wakes moments before the arrival of the ghost of Leaf’s Captain Past, Wendel Clark. The spirit escorts Dubious on a journey into the past to previous Leaf’s seasons – the wild and ferocious Doug Gilmour playoff run, the upset of the favoured Senators with Roberts and Tucker mucking it up, and a brief stop to 1967 (a bit before my time). Dewey eyed Dubas, deeply moved, sheds tears before the phantom returns him to his bed.

And not long then does the ghost of Leaf’s Captain Present, JT majestically clad in his toddler leaf PJs, takes Dubass through the past season. Dubious watches Zeelander forget how to backcheck, all the while cashing in a big pay check and feasting on melon and procsciutto, while Marner executes an impressive button hook in the corner, taking care not to spill his merlot or drop his video game controller. Toward the end of the day, the ghost shows Curious Dubious two starved children, toughness and grit, living under the seats of Scotia Bank Arena. The spirit vanishes instantly as Doomus notices a dark, hooded figure coming toward him.

Then, the Leaf’s Captain of yet to come leads Doobass through a sequence of mysterious scenes on TV relating to an unnamed man’s recent firing. Doobas sees O’Dog, Friedman, Burke and Mackenzie discussing the fired GM’s rather lacking accomplishments. And then there is one Scooter McWheelie tweeting up a storm on twitter about how he had this GM first on his list of all time greatest Gms. Anxious to learn the lesson of his latest visitor, Dumass begs to know the name of the fired GM. After pleading with the ghost, Doomas finds himself in a churchyard, the spirit pointing to a grave. Dewbus looks at the headstone and is shocked to read his own name – one Kyle Dumbass. He desperately implores the spirit to alter his fate, promising to renounce his soft, delicate and feeble ways and to honor the Leafs tradition with all his heart. Whoosh! He suddenly finds himself safely tucked in his bed.

Overwhelmed with joy by the chance to redeem himself and grateful that he has been returned to his office as GM of the leafs, Scooby Dooby Doobus rushes out onto the street shouting “Plan the parade!! Plan the parade!!” He rushes back to his office and looks over his roster and makes the tough decision he has been dreading and was too afraid to do. As the years go by, he holds true to his promise and honors the memory of the Leaf’s captain with all his heart. The Leafs do not always win, but they never leave the fans with a want of effort. And occasionally, toughness and grit show for a shift, period, or game and make you proud of the Toronto Maple Leafs once again.